IT DOESN'T MATTER

As a woman in early forties, I have started feeling my age recently. It was at this time, the movie “How old are you?” got released. The last Malayalam movie I saw in a theater was five years back. But I was determined to see this one in big screen. I was impatient to watch the movie and missed few chances due to my hectic schedule over the last three weeks. Plus, I was also following the kind of assault on Manju Warrier the conservative Kerala is showering. Like so many Keralites, I wanted her to succeed so badly and was following every thing regarding the movie from day one.

So today, I had a half day at work. I decided to do something beyond my comfort level. I took a taxi and traveled all the way to a movie theater across the city to watch HOAY. After all, the movie is about woman empowerment! I should shed the least of my inhibitions to get something I want. It was a working day and the show was at 2:15 PM. How many Malayalies will flock to a theater in New Jersey to see a movie on a working day during an exam week at noon? Apparently none other than me. So I walked into an empty Cinema hall and there I saw this beautiful movie all by myself, laughing and crying, often seeing myself on the screen. That is what I hear from Mallu world the reason this movie clicked, that every woman saw in Nirupama, the protagonist of the movie, a part of them. The depth at which the movie makers have brought out some of the psychological issues faced by today's women is unbelievable. Some of the scenes did appear forced, but the message they wanted to convey was worth the drag felt in between.

We often project our failures on others and in the name of sacrifices, we often live in our comfort zone, never challenging ourselves in anyways. The fact is our failures and inability to live up to our potential is based on how much we value our dreams, aspirations and our drive to achieve them. We often let others sideline us and give way for others to succeed at our own cost. We take every thing for granted and don't realize it until we loose them. The makers of HOAY is trying to highlight these characteristics of the women(probably men too) through the tale of Nirupama Rajeev.

The most striking moment for me was when Nirupama visited the old lady and the old lady thanked Nirupama for her time. Nirupama's face surged with a flush of emotions and her pain for being rejected was quite visible on her face. That was a brilliant moment in the movie. Another one was when Nirupama refused to go to Ireland, Rajiv calls their daughter and tells her that she is not Amma's preference anymore and hand over the phone to Nirupama. To a sobbing daughter, Nirupama changes her mind in the blink of an eye and hurriedly agrees to join them. Tears rolled down my cheeks as she looked at her husband with such helplessness and defeat and a crooked smile lit on his face! Manju is unparalleled at these scenes and the kind of emotions that flashes through her face is unbelievable. No wonder she is called the best of the best.

Like Nirupama, most of us, male or female, tend to forget the kind of people we were in our younger days and wait indefinitely for the Susan Varghese of our past to come and remind us! Susan insists "orale kandal bhodham kedan mathram tharathil ninne kondethicha enthayalum, arayalum, athu jeevithathil ninnum ozhivakkiye pattu." It is as if some one is shaking you to wake up and live!

When an empowered Nirupama emerge after realizing the question her daughter asked the President, which earlier had brought a string of unfortunate events for her, many of us also realize such moments we had in our lives- the moments we got the courage to take a stand. I think this movie has such an impact because Nirupama was essayed by Manju Warrier. It was her first film after 16 years. Had this role been done by anyone else, or if this is not Manju's first movie after so many years, I don't think the impact will be the same. She is everything this character is. That is what makes it so realistic. As a person who withdrew from lime light to the four walls of her home after marriage, Manju must have gone through a phase of self doubt and pity at some point of time before she emerged with confidence and smile. So in fact she lived as Nirupama Rajiv and made us feel that no one puts an expiry date on our dreams but ourselves. At the end, as she walks out, her head held high, beaming with confidence, we too answer the question with her about the age that it doesn't matter.

Manju's dialogue delivery was strange at some parts and excellent at others. Some of the scenes, especially the comedy scenes before she went to meet the president where she was bragging were a bit over the top. I too believe that Kunchacko Boban has delivered his career best performance here. Each and every actor in this movie has done a good job! I didn’t realize I was sitting all alone in a huge theater until the movie is over which speaks to the kind of engaging movie HOAY is. Congratulations to Roshan Andrews and team!!!

REDEFINING MY PARENTING ROLE

 

"Amme, stop making me your hobby" my son's firm voice pierced through my ears. As usual, I was trying to micromanage my son's activities and studies. This time, by forcing him to join one of those SAT study sessions that run on weekends which he had no interest in. And of course, I wanted to make every thing perfect in his world and didn't want to leave any thing for chance. Not waiting for my reply he added " You can't buy my time like that. Besides, you should have a hobby other than me". I have known from early on that my son is a strong willed person, so arguing with him is of no use. I tried to plead, then bribe and then offered him that instead of signing up for classes, he can think of conducting study sessions at home. That is when he asked me to back off and get a life of my own.

 

OK.let me admit; I didn't have a life of my own. My life revolved around my son for the last 17 years or so. Like any child, he was an absolute pleasure to be around and absorbed every thing around him like a sponge. As a teacher who was then jobless, he was a perfect student I could dream of. So I experimented with him all I could about learning and teaching. Plus, the uncertainties in our life at that time kept him out of school until he is almost 6 years of age. So I home-schooled him! Soon, it was a full time job for me. I continued this even after he joined the school. At the same time, he has shown strong independence whenever I tried to go overboard. Often he left things he didn’t care that much to me and took control of things he cared about. But he was there you know, with his little fingers wrapped around my arm when we went for walks and grocery shopping, to talk to me and give me company in a distant land. In fact he kept me going.

  

So towards the end of last academic year when the college planning was going on, I started getting panic attacks to an extend I rushed to emergency care and reported I was about to die, twice. Mean while, I was also witnessing a powerful transformation in my son. As the senior year was coming to a closure, by acquiring a driving license my son established a kind of independence that took me by surprise and made me proud of him at the same time. No longer I needed to drive him around- it was happy news at first- no more 11 PM calls from him to pick him up from a friend's house or from an activity. But the feeling only lasted for a day - I started missing him and our conversations in the car, the only place teenage boys are forced to enter into a conversation with adults. I also worried where he was and with whom. I preferred the 11 PM call to this worry. His independence took a whole new dimension when he started his summer job. He kept himself busy during summer, spending time at work and with friends. His words that "YOU NEED TO HAVE A LIFE OF YOUR OWN " hung heavy over my head. This couple of months at the end of senior year and the summer prepared me so much for what has to come later. When we dropped him off at Berkeley late August, I was ready for that, may be a little more than my husband was.

 

Now, at times I strongly feel his absence, especially while grocery shopping. I get stuck seeing his favorite foods in the aisle and then realize we don't have to buy that for now. I notice his missing clothes while doing laundry. When we go out to eat, it is just two of us. It is not easy to get used to the fact that this is our new normal. But he appears on Skype once in a while, his text messages come in unexpected times to bring a smile on my face. I am reminded he is only a flight distance away from me. A prayer skip my heart to keep him safe and sound. I get humbled by the thought of many Moms whose children are drafted to war zones and Moms in the hospital bed beside children with terminal illness. Yesterday, replied to his " How are you Amme?" with " If you are happy and trying your best in every thing you do, nothing else matters, That is all I can ask for" to which my son replied- "Amme find out what makes you happy, join an exercise group, make new friends, I hate to think you are stuck in New Jersey with nothing much to do". I assured him with a new job and new place things are pretty busy here. But I realize that my life will never be the same and my role as a parent has changed forever. I am happy and content to see him growing up to be a responsible adult. Little do children know what makes mothers happy. Mothers are happy when their children are!!!