When life comes in full circle

 In 2000, I set off for an unknown country with my four-year-old son beside me. Apart from knowing that my husband was already there, I had no idea what I was getting into or what life had in store for us.

Before our departure, the visa process was daunting. We traveled to Chennai and stood in line for several hours before reaching the visa officer, only to have my application rejected because a few additional documents were needed from my husband, who was already in Boston. After several phone calls and a FedEx delivery, we finally gathered everything we needed and returned to the visa office several days later

During those challenging days, the relatives with whom I was staying in Chennai prayed for us and supported us, hoping that our little family would soon be reunited. And finally, we were.

My first journey to United States is fresh in my memory.  I was completely underprepared for what was to come. I had not thought through the challenges of beginning a new life in the United States—the cultural differences, the language barriers, the weather, or even the fact that the visa I was traveling on would not allow me to work. I didn’t even realize how long the flight would feel until my cousin, who came to see me off, told me it would take eighteen hours. And yet, I was confident and hopeful—the kind of confidence you sometimes have when you simply don’t know enough to be afraid.My four-year-old son, on the other hand, was simply excited to finally be reunited with his father.

And then, at last, we landed in Boston.

My husband was living in Revere, Massachusetts, at the time. The immigration officer at the airport was intimidating, asking questions about where I would stay and who would support me. I was so nervous and unfamiliar with everything that I didn’t even know how to pronounce the name of the town correctly. I was stepping into a completely unfamiliar world.

In Revere, my husband was living in a beachside apartment. The Boston Blue Line ended right next to the apartment at a station called Wonderland. And it truly was a wonderland. From the seventh floor, the living room opened to a beautiful view of the beach. We could see airplanes lining up to land at Logan Airport nearby. Large ships occasionally appeared on the ocean, while the bedroom windows overlooked the metro line, where blue trains frequently arrived at Wonderland.

My son tirelessly ran back and forth between the living room and the bedroom, taking in the endless parade of sailing ships, landing airplanes, and whistling trains. For a four-year-old, it was a true wonderland.

A week after we arrived in Boston, we moved to Austin, Texas. As an IT consultant, my husband’s career required frequent relocations.

Fast-forward fourteen years, and life had taken us through many different towns and cities across the United States. Our lives were shaped by my husband’s career, while I was trying to find my own footing in this new country. Each move meant starting over—finding a new home, learning a new neighborhood, adjusting to a new school, and rebuilding a sense of belonging. Through all those years of uncertainty and change, my son adapted and made the best of every situation we placed him in. And then, in 2014, we came back to Revere. We bought a townhouse and began another chapter of our lives here. Walking along the beach and taking early morning drives to watch the sunrise became part of our life in Revere. By then, our son had already left for university on the West Coast, beginning a journey of his own.

Today, after more than a decade as residents of this beautiful historic town, we are relocating once again.

But this time, something is profoundly different. This time, it is my son who is opening this new chapter for us.

The way my husband once brought us to the United States and opened the door to a new life, my son is now helping us open the door to another chapter. There is something deeply emotional about that realization.The child who once traveled beside me as a four-year-old, eager to be reunited with his father, is now the one taking steps to bring us closer to him.

My husband recognized opportunities, took risks, and made the most of every chance life gave him. But one of the most meaningful part of his journey is the role he played in raising our son- instilling good values in him and giving him the foundation and springboard he needed to build his own life here.

When we came to this country as a young family, we never planned to stay forever. Our idea was to work for a few years and then leave. But this country has a way of pulling you in. Once you are here, once you build a life here, and especially once you raise your children here, it becomes difficult to turn back. We worked. We adapted. We moved. We grew. And we watched our son grow into the person he is today.

As I leave Revere, watching the sunrise one last time, I cannot help but reflect on our journey. The little boy who once arrived in America holding his mother’s hand is now helping his parents find their way into a new beginning. Life has truly come full circle. And as we close one chapter and step into another, I realize that every move, every uncertainty, every sacrifice, and every new beginning has brought us to this moment—to one more sunrise, and to the beginning of another chapter.

When a year come to an end

Ending a year and beginning another is not an abrupt act in the time-space continuum; a day ends, giving birth to a new one, just like any other day. However, a year is a cycle, and the New Year’s Day, is the beginning of that cycle. So it makes sense to celebrate this point in time, to reflect and to hope for a good year ahead. 

I have been reflecting on life a lot recently.  To express the learning curve that I have experienced over the past three decades or so is not an easy task. I may not be able to covert my thoughts to words, but I feel the need to write them down so that I can develop some clarity. 

Life goes in circles- sometimes hyperbolic too..

We expect life to be linear. A newborn child learns to walk, talk, study, get a job, get married, buy a house, and have kids, repeat. We have strict timeline for life. We have timeframes  for when one is supposed to find a job, get married, have kids, buy a house and so on.  We have norms for everything and do not know how to deal with extremes. 

But life’s trajectory may not take a linear path.  For some, it does. For some, it goes in circles; for others, hyperbolic. Not everyone needs to follow the same path. It is okay to deviate from the norm. It is okay to skip stages in life, it is okay to add your own stages as well. Stay tight and just enjoy the ride while you can. 

Stay focused on your own track

No matter how others are running the race called life, stay focused on your course. You may have to stop, slowdown,  withdraw from a race, or miss one altogether, or even sign up for a different race due to various reasons. Others may be sprinting, or jumping hurdles. It doesn’t matter. Keep  the focus on yourself. 

There were times in my life I was stuck, did not know what to do, and anxious because everyone else seemed to be moving fast, ticking their boxes, while I felt directionless and unable to determine the next step. We get anxious mostly because people expect us to do things in a certain way, and this creates tension and pressure. People judge others’ life based on their life and experiences. Only you know what your circumstances and capabilities are. 

Missing a chance is not the end of the world. Stay focused. Don’t get discouraged or overwhelmed. Go at your own pace. What matters is that you are doing your best. Learn to control the controllable. 

Fill your heart with compassion and empathy 

I have been fortunate enough to know compassionate people throughout my life - those guardian angels who helped me steer in the right direction when I felt lost, expecting nothing in return. I have also come across people who have hurt, cheated, taken advantage or were rude. You learn from both set of people.

 From the first set, I have learned to spread goodness in my world in whatever way I can. From the second set, I have learned how not to behave. People change; people evolve. I am not the same person I was yesterday. I have learned and grown. Extend that benefit to others too. Be kind with your words and deeds. Be humble.

Health is wealth 

Steve Jobs was one of the wealthiest men in the world and yet died of pancreatic cancer. His wealth couldn’t buy him even a single extra day. Some health issues cannot be fixed by money. That said, money can sometimes help you access good healthcare. So invest in your health as much as you can. But remember, money alone cannot guarantee well- being. If you are healthy, you are truly one of the wealthiest person in the world. 

On developing an attitude of gratitude

At times, it is not easy to find gratitude in difficult circumstances. Life will bring us worst-case scenarios, no matter how much we prevent them. Know that even the fiercest storms will pass, time heals and this too shall pass. Sometimes the storm will leave permanent damage that cannot be undone, learning to accept and move on will be the only way ahead. Our soul may carry scars from these experiences, but let a stronger, kinder, better version of us emerge to help us move ahead. 

Don’t complicate things 

Life can be as complicated as one makes it, especially when we take everything seriously and put ourselves at the center of everything. Don’t give too much importance to yourself- just go with the flow. Do what makes you happy and try to bring happiness to others around you. Zoom out of life instead of zooming in;  keep an eye on long term instead of just the present. You may be going through a stressful period or a peaceful one- beware that neither is permanent.  

As the saying goes “ Don’t let success go to your head, and don’t let the failure go to your heart”. Everything even out eventually. Everyone’s yardstick of success is different. The definition of success is different at different stages of life too. So do not complicate things 

As we welcome the next cycle in our space–time continuum, let hope guide us every single day. Life is not meant to be perfectly linear—sometimes it moves in circles, sometimes it accelerates in unexpected ways. Stay focused on your own track, and go at your own pace. Fill your heart with compassion and empathy, learning from those who lift you up and from those who challenge you. Remember that health is the truest wealth, and cultivate an attitude of gratitude even in difficult times. Don’t complicate things; zoom out, keep the long-term perspective, and allow yourself to grow from every experience. Above all, be kind, be humble, and cherish the journey

Thanks Giving Day - reflections and musings

 Another thanks giving day arrived. It is one of my favorite holidays. I love that the night comes fast and the warmth of the house in the evenings from late November leading up to Christmas is my definition of peace. I just love the glitter and the warmth of this season.

This year, especially had an experience of coming back to life from a bad fall I had earlier in the summer while visiting India. I was bed ridden with multiple injuries and needed help for the trivial things in life we take for granted; that one should be able to do bare minimum to lead a life such as going to bathroom, eating food and taking bath. It was as if I was passing through a dark tunnel hoping for light at the end of it. But even in that circumstances, I was able to look at things with gratitude. There were couple of things that I was grateful for. First and foremost, I did break some bones and my back, but my intellect was intact. I got spared from the worst that could have happened. It also meant staying with my parents for a longer duration. Though I am bed ridden I know my presence will make them happy, especially knowing that I would

Possibly make a complete recovery. 

At the start of the summer, my dear son got into an accident while

playing soccer and broke his leg which needed a immediate surgery. I rushed to be with his side and to support him get through his post surgery days. At the hospital, the next day, I felt a peace filling my mind. I told my son that I am happy to be on his side and that though it is sad that he had a broken tibia which needs a long recovery process, he is alright. He will walk and can even play soccer if he chooses to do so. Complete recovery is possible. I was with full of gratitude during the hospital time. Hospitals are often places filled with people who are hoping against hope knowing recovery is a slim

chance. My heart filled with compassion and empathy. 

As I reflect past few months of my life, I feel that I have been lucky and blessed in many ways. Coming to US was a decision made by my husband long ago. I followed him to build a life for my son. Through the years, I have questioned my decision to move here, trying to find meaning in life in an unknown place and missing home and people back in India. The American dream to life,  liberty and pursuit of happiness was something very alien to me but as I work here among kids and parents who build their life here in this country… I see how much this country can offer. I meet immigrant parents who pin their hopes on their offspring and work hard to give them a better life. I am grateful for all the experiences life has given me here in this country, good or bad. 

We may not celebrate thanks giving the traditional way- with turkey, pumpkin pie  and cranberry sauce with close family gathered around the dinning table. But we have friends who have become family and we do claim a part in the bigger pie - to achieve our own American dream and to make this place our home.  

Driving Waymo - The Driverless car

 When I first came to United States almost Twenty five years ago, one of the first things I was forced  to do was securing a driving license. With a new country and different accent, navigating the system to get the license was not an easy one for me. I signed up for driving lessons which turned out to be a costly affair. After six lessons, I was still not confident enough to drive my own- this coming from a person who had secured a drivers license from India after a series of driving classes.  Somehow the highways and bridges intimidated me. 

My fear for roads date back to when I can remember. I can’t cross the busy roads without panicking. So driving is something not going to come easy for me. Seeing my situation, my husband decided to give me some private lessons in his brand new white car.  We went to a parking lot to practice parallel parking. He asked me to turn left and I turned right by mistake. The connection between the wheel and the steering did not register in my brain, especially when someone is directing me. The stress took over and I became numb and confused which caused the car to bump multiple times on the sides. The sessions ended in a bitter way with an angry husband and equally angry wife who gave up on driving. Seeing my husband and I fight over the driving, my son got super emotional and came to protect me and started crying. A fear creeped through my mind that I won’t be able to pass the driving test that is scheduled for next day. My husband was lamenting on all the money he spent on trying to make me learn driving and said it is all an utter waste. Even I felt all went in vain and that I should not have started out to try my hand at the wheel in a new car.  While he was worrying about the car, I slightly bumped the car on a yellow rod near the driveway causing the yellow paint stick to the new white Mazda. He jumped out of the car immediately and was shocked to see the paint sticking to it and worried that the car’s value decreased by 10% due to this damage I caused. I felt helpless and worried over what may happen after I fail the test. 

Next day, when my instructor  came to pick me up, he gave me a prep talk. “ Asha, I want you to pass your test today, if you don’t pass, it is not the end of the world, you will get plenty of chances. Try to do your best.” From his words I sensed he is not expecting me to pass, my husband has already given upon my driving at that point and didn’t care much and my five year old son was very anxious for me. And there I went and gave my test without much hope but I passed the test on the first attempt. The stars must have aligned well for me that day. Sometimes, when you try your best, you succeed out of pure luck, especially when you are left alone trying hard. “The universe will conspire and provide you what you deserve if you try with all your might “ as the saying goes. And then on, I started driving, conquering my fear for roads slowly, yet whenever possible I try to avoid it. Driving is just something I do out of necessity. 

Fast forward 25 years, today I took my first ride in a driverless taxi with my husband. San Francisco has world’s first driverless cars on the road. We waited for the taxi to arrive, it arrived and pulled over, we got in and it started as any taxi would. I realized in awe the technological advancement made in recent years. The car stopped at the red light, turned right and left, gave appropriate signal… and brought us to our destination with no hassle. It reminded us to take our keys and belongings when we got out. What a wonderful experience.

As the driverless cars replaces our cars in future, there are real concerns about the jobs being lost. As Waymo arrived to pick us, a passerby woman cursed it. The locals are not so happy to see these driverless vehicles cruising among them. Especially in Sanfrancisco where the income inequality is so starkly on display you wonder how bad things could get to some of these people . There are homeless people everywhere on the streets. For them, what difference these technological advancements make in their daily life? They couldn’t care less about these technologies. I can sense the world is changing around us rapidly and we may not be prepared for it. But the awe of a machine replacing a driver and taking us from point A to point B is still rushing in me. I just wished I was born four decades later so I could have spared the ordeal of learning to drive. 

Home is where the heart is…

After 18 hours of flying time and two hours car ride, I finally reach my destination. This is where I am going to spend my next one month of summer, with my parents and sister. The pandemic has kept us apart from each other in two different continents for a long time and finally we meet. 

I reach home and after a quick shower to make sure that I am free of germs, I take a stroll around my mother’s garden. The lush green surroundings evoke a sense familiarity in me. I see the hibiscus tree bloomed in full, the very same tree my sister and I used to pluck flowers decades ago to make pookalam. During those times, hibiscus, roses and jasmine dominated our garden. I see that the jasmine plant gave way to a mango tree, but amma has replanted it in another corner in the garden. Sweet fragrance of jasmine fills the air. During monsoon days, it was a chore for us to carefully collect the jasmine buds in the evening and make long garlands for decorating our hair the next day. The trees, the landscape and everything in it is similar to what it had been years before, nothing much has changed except some new additions here and there. My father walks with me proudly showing off all that is thriving in the garden. It is as if the time is frozen in this home and has captured my childhood in it. 

Inside the house, I see twenty year old me smiling at me from a photo frame,  my son’s childhood photos, our story books still in the cupboards. I open the cupboard and flip through the books I read umpteen number of times. As I see my grandparents photo on the wall, their voice echoed in my ears..bringing a sudden flush of memories of the time we used to be behind Achacha to hear a story from him or with Achamma  while she makes dosas for us just because we don’t like the idlis that is made for breakfast for everyone else while our amma remarking to achamma that she is the one who is spoiling the children. We indeed were two spoiled little girls who got our way with everything under our grandparents’ loving care. 

My sister brings me a cup of brew coffee in the same steel glass I used to have coffee everyday as a child. The vessels, the kitchen, the dinning room, serving plates, clock on the wall and it’s tic tok sound, everything reminded me of how it used to be when I was growing up. How gently my parents have lived their life and made a home!

Traveling back is not only to visit  family, it is also a pilgrimage to find the lost child in you. And that is one more reason we keep finding our way back home, to be that child again to our parents as long as we can, to once more enjoy their affection and care, to remind ourselves that this is a place we can come back to rest a little, to keep our burdens off and be that carefree child. 

Making America my home…..

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of United States and to the republic for which stands, one nation, under god, with liberty and justice for all…."

This is a pledge I recite with my students every single day for the last 12 years or so, yet this altogether had a different meaning when I was reciting it with the Judge at the oath ceremony today. Along with 865 other men and women from around the globe, we became United States Citizens. As the Judge noted in the key note speech, along with the privileges we get by naturalization, comes the civic responsibility to vote, to participate in the democratic process, to raise our voice and above all to maintain the republic that we became part of today. It was a very humbling experience for me.

In preparation to be a citizen, I was reading stories of immigrants who came to this country in the first half of the century, who were eager to assimilate and to be part of this melting pot. They wanted their kids learn English as soon as possible so they decided to not teach them their language. They kept themselves from their past and were forward looking. However, recent immigrants have a different take. Their kids are bilingual and they try to keep their culture and tradition while also assimilating to the new way of life and participate in the community. They not only assimilate, they acculturate too.

So, the first generation immigrants like me are torn between two worlds. Pulled in two directions, we struggle to strike a balance. What we left behind is something very valuable and irreplaceable. We have our parents and siblings back there to who we are in constant touch, thanks to the technological advancement of the recent years. But we have also raised a generation who doesn’t connect to our past like we do. For them, this is the only place they know. Their experiences are typical for the children growing up here. But we have tried our best to tie them back to our past by introducing food and language as part of our culture. It is more of our necessity than theirs that they keep that connection.

Each generations have their contribution to the next. Like my maternal grandfather, who went to work in Ceylone in the middle of 19th century and raised the family there. Although he decided to come back to his village and settle down, he made sure his only daughter could go to college. She was the first women from her village to go for higher education. To many who didn’t realize the significance of sending the only daughter to a faraway place to study, he replied that he is providing her with the most important wealth he can possibly give her. He changed the course of the family by providing that opportunity to my mother. My father, who always told us, that life can be anything that you make of and never made my sister and I feel different because we are girls taught us to stand in our own feet. This upbringing has helped my sister and I to be our own advocates. 

Few generations from now, my husband will be that grandfather who steered the course for generations to come in an entirely different direction. It is his determination and drive to make use of the opportunities that are available that has brought us here. I am grateful that I get to play my part in this journey of life. When I look at the big picture, I realize that coming to this unknown country and making it a home is never about one individual. It is about the future more than it is about the present.

Dare to dream!

Just came back from watching latest Manju Warrier movie- "Udaharanam Sujatha". As someone who  lived in Thiruvanandapuram, the beginning of the movie evoked such nostalgic feelings in me, I was almost in tears. The opening song sequence and the scenery were so touching. With a little drag in the first half, movie picked up speed and was highly engaging in the second half. As the movie progressed, actors vanished and only the characters remained on the screen.

“There are people who won’t take you seriously. They might scorn at you and discourage you. Ignore them all. There are only few who can understand your dream and stand by you. Stay close to them and hold them dear to your heart. They will cherish your dream and help you achieve it”  is the sort of advice Sujatha gives her daughter, who up until that time, was a stubborn teenager who went about her life without much care about anything in her world. She was fed, clothed and sheltered.  The fact that her father died four years ago, that her widowed mother is working around the clock to make ends meet didn’t matter to her. She is happy in her world, enjoying the life without any plan for the next day, let alone the future.

What can a parent do to motivate a capable child? How can they bring a direction to their children’s life? How capable is a parent to dream for his or her child? These are all questions Sujatha grapples with herself.  Luckily for her, she had a guide who would help her navigate through this, the person whom she works as a domestic help. She also gets impressed by a young lady who makes a difference in people's life. Fate brings her face to face with this young professional and makes her think of her daughter's future.  The day she took the ride in collector mam’s car, looking out through the window; she saw the city in an entirely new perspective and her dream for her daughter took shape. She was the kind of mother who would go to any length to materialize what she wished for. This movie can inspire the young and old alike.

The kind of social mobility that is possible if people can seize the opportunity that is available to them in our country is often not spoken loud. K.R Narayan and APJ Kalam are only a few such examples of people who had humble beginnings yet didn’t let their environment define their path. Perhaps, before teaching them mathematics and science, schools need to instill in children a sense of confidence and trust that they too can claim their future, that the birth doesn’t define their destiny, that the education system will level the playing field for them. Think about how many Athira Krishnan’s would have lost their battle much before they started if they didn’t have a mother who persevered in helping her daughter dream.

Having someone who believes in the child is perhaps the greatest gift that child can have. As for the lonely mother, being able to look up to someone for guidance is a true blessing. We can see many people willing to help if we seek it. As a community, we have a responsibility to help young parents bring up their children by giving them various training to deal with the pressures of parenting, providing a place where young children can spend time after school productively, and instilling in them a sense of responsibility. The schools can provide platform for people who are accomplished to give back to community by mentoring  such young children. We can put these young children's talent for the betterment of the community. I hope movies like this give out the best ideas to people around, instead of this being a story of one isolated incident where someone become successful and put down a section of our society. 

Communicating with your College Kid

-         a guide for parents who are a bit neurotic

Preparing to send off kids to far away colleges is a stressful time for both parents and kids. It is a transition time for parents from being able to know about their life on a daily basis to not knowing much about them for a while. From a constant communication to almost not hearing from them for a chunk of time.  For kids- suddenly there is no one hovering over them and they have to navigate through their new life. Talking to friends and different mom’s group’s help you learn what to expect.  Here are things I have heard and things I have learned from my experience.

No news is good news. This is a phrase you will hear again and again and you will need to make it a Mantra of your life.  During the parent- orientation, one of the parents who were on the panel told us not to take offense if we don’t hear from them very often.  College kids are busy with getting to know the campus, people and trying to be part of clubs and activities that helps them figure out who they are as individuals. They are also busy trying to forget the life they have left behind and build another one their own. So if you don’t hear from them, don’t take it personally. The chances are, they are doing fine. Remember, no news is good news.

Initially text messages between me and my son went something like this.

7:47 AM

Amma: Did you have breakfast?

8: 32 AM

Amma: what did you eat for breakfast?

9:40 AM

Amma: when is our first class?

10:32 AM

Amma: Where are you eating lunch?

11:47 AM

Amma: Did you call your grandfather?

12:30 PM (at which point, I desperately wanted to know if he is alive and nothing else J)

Amma: Hi dear, good afternoon

Achu: Hi hi good afternoon (immediate response)

So the point is, if you want to get a response, do not ask questions that call for some form of thinking, you won’t get it. Instead wish them good morning or good afternoon, they will respond. This way you will know they are alive.

              One of the best ways to keep your anxious mind calm is to acknowledge that you have raised a responsible kid who will make the right choices in life and let go. You can also learn yoga or Pilates, or do meditation to alleviate stress and trust that they will be fine and go about your life. You could also get a dog (which many of my friends have done), start a hobby, learn something new and keep your mind off the college kid. But if all of the above didn’t help and you tend to be a bit neurotic like me, there is internet- you can make use of social media.  Check the Facebook last sign-out time to know they are fine. Use google talk to keep track of when they were last online. Look at the snap chat window to see when they were active the last time. This will give you some peace of mind.

When you visit college, the idea that the dorms are coed where the girls and boys share the same bathrooms are a bit unsettling first. But be thankful to the girls in college. You will develop a deep sense of gratitude to these girls as their photos become your life line in the coming years. The photos they are going to post in social media are the only ones you will see of him until he comes home for winter break. So thank them from the bottom of your heart and thank their parents for raising such vivacious girls.

The best thing to do is not to enquire how they are going to spend the weekend. But if accidently you came to know he is going for camping, try to collect the phone numbers of some of his friends who is going along. You may have to promise him that you will only use the numbers in case of absolute emergency to get those numbers, but having the number will give you a sense of secure feeling. And when your son is out on the camping trip, resists your temptation to browse the local newspaper in the camping area. Also stop checking social media for “last seen”. Most camping sites don’t have internet access. In order to keep your mind off the trip, you can invite some friends over and have some wine, or you could also plan a trip to a nearest camping site with your hubby and some close friends. Whichever way you choose, for the first time in your adult life, you will want Monday to come as quickly as possible. In any case, by Sunday night you will desperately want to search the social media for traces of your son’s latest activity and will be panicking a little to see he has not been active after Friday. At this point, you have an urge to call the police, but do check the fb for one last time and if fate has spared you making a fool of yourself, you will spot your son quickly. The point is: have patience and do something other than thinking about your college student and panicking over the weekend. Make use of your valid time.

One day all of a sudden, they may actually give you their student ID and password and ask you to check something up for them online. Your first instinct may be to say no and ask them to do it their own. Resist it and help them by all means.  You just got another window to their life.

The most important thing is to learn to let go. It is difficult; but the faster you are able to do it, the better your life will be!

* my friends who have girls in colleges usually have mostly similar experiences, but they do tend to call more often than boys, especially when they are facing an issue. Boys tend to not share as much as girls do. It is my observation in general but individuals may differ.

The first couple of photos I clicked in Barcelona. This is Placa De Catalunya, the center of Barcelona. The old buildings and style reminded me of Boston, though the busy streets are more like New York City. Barcelona is the capital of Catalona which is the autonomous community of Spain who speaks Catalone.



One of the busiest and prominent street in Barcelona- La Rambla. We visited this street on our first day, and kept coming back to it many times during our stay.

The chaotic Kerala secondary education - Continuous evaluation

Higher secondary results are out yesterday and I got  a chance to look at some of the results of my nieces and nephews. I have been an observer of Kerala education reforms that have taken place while I started my career in Kerala public education starting from DPEP to the establishment of higher secondary classes in schools. Overall, the goal of the State to revamp the curriculum and educational practices are good, but the surrounding confusion and lack of clarity in implementing their goals have made the department a target of jokes from the beginning. The faults and errors in executing them often causes public anxiety and uninformed people mistake the implementation errors to failure of the program. Recently, the 10th grade result that came out in record time just a couple of weeks after the exam, was full of errors. One of the mistakes was students getting passing grade when they didn't write the exam. Another issue that got magnified was grade inflation. If the general conscience  is that  public education is going down the drain, we can’t blame them. There are enough proofs around us that make us think that is the case.

As I was going through the results, It came to my attention that most all students got full marks for continuous evaluation(CE) which is part of the overall grade and that doesn’t correlate with their actual grades they are receiving on their final exams. If the continuous evaluation measures the progress of the students and if the teachers measure it to a perfect grade, then shouldn’t you expect that particular student to fair well on the final examination as well? Continues evaluation is not meant to give some freebies for the students so school can boast of a better result. What good is it going to do to students if teachers are not keeping them accountable? What use it is to have a grade when it doesn’t reflect on what your true abilities are?

What is continues evaluation

Continuous evaluation is the process of examining the students over a period of time. There are many pros using this type of evaluation to assess student achievement as opposed to one final examination. Some of them can be summarized as follows.

• It helps teachers get feedback on how well the students are learning and modify their instructional practices or perhaps through remedial teaching, can reinforce the concepts that were challenging to students.
• It helps students know whether they comprehend the materials being taught and adjust their study habits and seek help when needed.
• If students are evaluated continuously by various means such as homework, classwork and projects by establishing deadlines, students develop good work ethic and study habits which are more useful in the real world than any subject they study in a classroom.
• Continuous evaluation is also a comprehensive measure of what the student learned in that year. The more diverse assessment tools a teacher uses, the more diverse learners can be accommodated.

By not doing what it is supposed to do, this component of their grade, CE- continues evaluation - is hurting students in the long run than helping them.  Teachers should have proper training on how to continually assess students. More assessments means more work for teachers, but teachers should be willing to take it as part of their professional responsibility and systematically grade the assessments and record it. By the end of the year they can award the average of these assessments as the grade for CE. There can be a school wide policy or a statewide policy on how to categorize and weigh different assessments with rooms for creativity for teachers to experiment their own methods and intuitions that can fit in a classroom. These are the decisions that should be made at the state level.

Few challenges that I foresee

• Push back from teachers and administrators

Well, I am an educator, so I don’t mean disrespect to anyone. But continuous evaluation is a lot of responsibility on teachers which calls for lot of work and dedication. Teachers need to be on top of things like making up new assessments, designing projects, continuously researching and updating their knowledge and skills, grading the assessments and finally record keeping. There will be teachers who are used to not having such responsibilities and may push back. There will be administrators who want to have that free marks given to students so as to have a better school wide results. Proper training should remedy this and when teachers are equipped with the resources, they may be more willing to take up the challenge.

• Not enough resources for teachers

While Kerala is pretty connected by internet, there are number of schools without  computers or teachers who are not computer literates. Again, training the teachers and equipping them with the latest technology is the solution. At least in higher secondary level, this should be doable very cost effectively. Once they are connected, they can share their ideas with other teachers from the district who teach the same subject and support each other.

• lack of effective training

There are a lot of money and time spent on training. Teachers should utilize it effectively and people who are conducting the training need to be aware of the pitfalls of the system so they can remedy it through the training. Without any additional money spent, Training can be more effective if there is clarity as to what needs to change.

• Lack of foresight and supervision from hierarchy

There should be accountability on part of teachers and the school when it comes to awarding the students these grades. A student getting 20/20 in CE and getting 10/80 on the final exam definitely send a message that something is gone terribly wrong. Such cases needs to be identified and proper consequences for the school and the teacher should be established. It doesn’t require a lot of resources to do it. One look at the mark list of students are very revealing. District educational officers should be supervising these disparities and take the measure against the teacher and school as and when needed.

Teachers are professionals who need to act within a certain ethics. The type of education Kerala Education Department envisions also demand a set of dedicated teachers who will abide by the professional ethics and honor code and help students develop  their full potential. It is not easy to educate a population. Teachers have a huge responsibility which doesn't end when the students pass the class with an A plus. It is for the teachers along side the parents to instill virtues and values in a child and help build their character. Today's students are tomorrow's workforce. They will be the one who is treating us, building bridges, making things we use and educate the next generation. If we fail to bring up a strong generation, we fail ourselves. Helping these children grow up to be a responsible adult is the best we can do to make sure we have a better tomorrow.